Dr. Phil: Today we’re talking to 30-year olds who tattle on two year olds. Not just 30-year olds, but 30-year olds who are mothers. What motivates these women, these mothers, to do what they do? What’s behind the tattle telling? What’s their purpose? And mainly, what’s their problem?
Today we’re talking to Jane. Jane’s a 30-year old mother of a 17-month old little boy. We’ve changed Jane’s name to protect her. She’s ashamed of what she’s done. She’s ashamed of who she is. She’s ashamed of her tattle telling.
Jane, welcome. Let’s start from the beginning. When did this tattle telling addiction begin?
Jane/Me: Dr. Phil, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s something I’ve always had deep inside me. I thought I was a good girl, you know? I don’t remember being a tattle tell as a child. Only once, on my brother, when he punched me in the stomach. If you ask me, that deserved tattle telling, you know? Anyhow, all I know is I hit 30 and…and…something snapped.
Dr. Phil: Let’s talk about your most recent tattle-telling incident, Jane. Tell the people what happened.
Jane/Me: Oh, Dr. Phil. *sigh* I don’t know where to start.
Dr. Phil: Just start at the beginning, ‘hon.
Jane/Me: Well, first off I’m not your ‘hon and if you call me that one more time I’m telling. Secondly, my most recent incident happened this week. I’d picked my son up at the sitters. She was talking to another parent and my son was reaching for a ball that had rolled under a chair on her porch. I retrieved the ball and handed it to my son.
Dr. Phil: Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Go on.
Jane/Me: A few moments later a little girl – she’s two – came up and snatched the ball from my son. I knew we had to leave in a few minutes anyhow and the ball would have to stay so I didn’t worry much about the incident.
Dr. Phil: And the sitter? She didn’t see this?
Jane/Me: No. But then she and I were talking a few moments later about how young children snatch things from other children. I don’t know what came over me…I–I—Oh, Dr. Phil I can’t…”
Dr. Phil: You can, Jane. It’s OK. I’m here to help you. To help you heal. To help you learn why you are the way you are. To make money off of your sorrow and emotional pain. Go on.
Jane/Me: I - I - told her about the little girl taking the ball from my son. I didn’t mean to tattle. I was only using it as an example. I –
Dr. Phil: Jane, what happened next? Tell us.
Jane/Me: The sitter, she – she started to scold the little girl asking her firmly, but in a gentle tone “Little girl, did you take the ball away from Jonathan? Did you? Did you? Don’t lie to me.”
The little girl started to cry. She finally nodded her head and the sitter told her to give the ball back to my son. I tried to explain, to tell the sitter that I hadn’t meant to tattle on the little girl, but the sitter..she…she told me that she didn’t want the children lying to her. That she was glad she knew the little girl hadn’t told the truth. The little girl had told her that my son had taken the ball from her instead.
Dr. Phil: Jane, how did this make you feel?
Jane/Me: I know my son’s sitter was trying to do the right thing. But .. I just can’t help feeling guilty. I – I – feel awful.
Dr. Phil: Jane, do you feel guilty because you got the little girl in trouble?
Jane/Me: Yes….
Dr. Phil: Is there more Jane? Is there more that you feel guilty about?
Jane/Me: Yes…I…
Dr. Phil: Let it out Jane…let it out. Tell us what’s really bothering you.
Jane/Me: Oh Dr. Phil. I’m a tattletale. A 30-year old tattletale. I’m so ashamed. For God sake I’m a mother!
Dr. Phil: Are you ashamed because you told or because you’re glad you told?
Jane/Me: I’m sorry..wha—?
Dr. Phil: Jane, don’t lie to us. Let the truth out. Telling on that little girl, it made you feel good didn’t it? It made you feel powerful. Tell the truth, Jane. Come on, get real!
Jane/Me: What are you? Some kind of jerk? No I’m not glad I told! I’m a horrible mother! I tattled on a two-year old. The girl ended up on a bench crying. I felt awful. Just awful.
Dr. Phil: Jane, come on. Don’t get so defensive. That defense mode just shows me how guilty you really feel about feeling good about your tattle telling. Let it out. It’s OK. We’re here for you.
Jane/Me: “I don’t feel good about it. I feel awful! Awful.”
Dr. Phil: Riiight. Well, you just tell yourself whatever you have to to sleep at night, Sweetcheeks…
Up next, More 30-year old mothers who tattle on two year olds and make them cry and those same mothers tell how they feel powerful after a tattle telling incident. And hear from two adults who remember when they were tattled on at the age of two. Scarred by the incidents they’ll tell us how tattle telling mothers, mothers like horrible Jane, crushed their childhood innocence and sent them down paths of drug and alcohol abuse, prostitution, abusive relationships and an eventual inability to trust.
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For more tattletales log on to humor blogs.
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For the man who called me a tattletale, then corrected my spelling of it, and inspired this post CLICK HERE.
HAHAHA.
Dr. Phil sucks. I can’t figure out why his wife is so devoted - he must be really REALLY good in bed.
You are a horrible person and I can no longer be your friend. ; )
BWAHAHAHA- I’m on an upcoming episode. “Passive aggressive moms are taking over the world” Look for it! Great post, by the way.
And you called my post creative!
Maybe next tattle tale mom dukes it out with sweet mom! =)
I love that you did this. But I’m mean like that. I made a kid in the grocery store cry in mid-December by him it wasn’t too late for Santa to decide NOT TO COME.
Well I’m sorry. He was pounding on his father’s chest and yelling I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. I couldn’t have that.
Shield Maiden:
I so wish you would tell that story on your blog. I’ve heard it and think it is frackin’ hilarious!
Amy:
Good idea for a show.
Potty:
I still feel your post is very creative
Jen:
I hope you’re kidding! 
Seriously? I’m gonna cry!
Law School Hot Mama:
I agree…he’s got to be really good…but come on…looking like that do you really think he is? Nah…
Yep. I’m a gonna be doin’ me some serious tattlin’ later tonight on my blog……if I decide to tell what happened with the Bubs at preschool….I’m still thinking about it.
I like the way you did this!
Um, has someone been watching Battlestar Gallactica? (”frackin’ hilarious”